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Overcoming AA journal (and other bits)
#1
Hi folks

Quick intro

35yrs old, self employed strength coach. Newish to seriously gaming but aware of the scene for a long time (worked on a documentary on the scene in London back in 2006-7). 

I tend to meet girls and get into relationships. I no longer want this.

Recently got out of a relationship where I began to demonstrate codependent behaviour. We called it off and I was a mess. Saw a therapist for a while and now I'm back and ready to take control. 

The problem

My issue is cold approaching. I am good at social game/meeting girls through friends etc but trouser shittingly bad at cold approach.

It's like normal approach anxiety times 10. There is a reason for this and excuse me for going deep dear reader, but it will explain a lot. I was raised by an alcoholic single mum, dysfunctional childhood with a fair bit of emotional neglect/abandonment.

Cold approach for me is like re-creating that trauma. Fuck knows what I can do really. 

Options going forward 

1. Consider therapy
2. Work very slowly towards approaching, lean into the anxiety and get used to it
3. See if beta blockers work in reducing the anxiety.
4. Find a new hobby (that I genuinely enjoy) that also involves regularly talking to girls

Solutions

I often get advice saying 'just fucking do it', seriously, if I could I would. However, ultimately just fucking doing it is what I believe will help.

I am confident that I will be able to overcome this as it will be a skill that will enable me to grow as a person.

Plan

Not sure yet. I will subscribe to Secret Society which Steve has advised. In terms of action I will set a goal this week (w/c 21st October) three approaches a day. This may be a bit ambitious for me, we'll see.
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#2
OK.

Beta blockers - I used to describe them as feeling like having loving arms wrapped around you at all times. You feel so laid back it's almost hysterical. I once went to a job interview on Beta Blockers and the guy laid into me, said I was in no way prepared to do the job, etc. I reacted like The Dude from the Big Lebowski. "Well, like, there's no need to be insulting maaaaaaaaan." lol. I laugh thinking about it, because I am naturally very highly strung.

For a laugh I gave my mate some Beta blockers once. He had to lie down for a few hours. I think I react really well to them and they agree with me, but they are not for everyone. I guess you won't know until you take them....BUT overall it just isn't good to take any kind of drugs. But let's be honest : plenty of people do.

Do they help with AA? Not the initial inertia as such..No. But they calm down the panicky, raw anxiety feeling if that's what you experience. I can tell you that increased exposure does solve that problem over time.

2. Therapy. I did CBT. It did help to a degree, mostly though accountability as I see now. I too have (or had) a strong fear of abandonment - it stuck out like a sore thumb on my profile. I don't have it as much now. Why? I think you can excise it and "tweak" these issues if you're diligent and (to be frank) if it makes you angry enough that it's a weakness that you cannot tolerate. But obviously, I am not a professional at all. The process? When you catch yourself indulging in the behaviour you don't like, you pull yourself up and get angry with yourself. But perhaps this is unique to me, I don't know.

3. Re Secret Society - I am NOT going to lie - the section on AA is about 10 minutes long and is just a drill. It's not the main focus of the product, AT ALL.. BUT

4. You mention strength coaching and you seem intelligent. I imagine you get IOIs. IOIs , and in particular forced IOIs are a portal into a new way of approaching - almost like a Pavlovian response to a set of stimuli - and it does (to a degree) sidestep many of the issues of AA. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM recommending it for this - it is the clear market leader and there is no one else alive that has gone into the depth on this that I did 5 years ago. And, I recently added more content on this subject - about 50 minutes worth, so it's even better now.

5. London should be good for hobbies. But nothing beats cold approach, period. But as per Secret Society you're engineering opportunities for Warm / Forced IOI approach and I gaurantee you, there will be opportunities that you are currently missing through not seeing them.

Hope it helps man.
Do you actually want to make progress with your goals : aesthetic, business, women, fitness?  Check out the Secret Society VIP Members Club.
Check it out
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#3
With me it´s the opposite.
I´m good at cold approaching, but don´t really know a lot about relationships.
Once I get laid I simply get bored and move on.
My main issue is basically that I want a high quality girlfriend: young, submissive, goes to the gym, eats right, likes to please me doing the housework, etc.
Hard to find and keep.
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#4
(10-21-2019, 10:03 PM)Ayahuasquero_Brasileiro Wrote: With me it´s the opposite.
I´m good at cold approaching, but don´t really know a lot about relationships. <snip>

Sounds good pal and I understand why you may want something more rewarding.

I assume your frame is very strong but may have an issue with connectedness (?)

I knew a fella in the PUA scene in London from years ago that had a similar problem, he was a handsome guy, muscular
but couldn't keep a girlfriend. Turned out he was very high on narcissistic traits, not that I suggest you are, just he had the same issue.


Update on my AA: Turns out I have gastroenteritis so that't put my cold approach on hold somewhat (no strength at at all just now, after days of pissing out of arse).
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#5
(10-23-2019, 01:52 PM)Kieran Wrote:
(10-21-2019, 10:03 PM)Ayahuasquero_Brasileiro Wrote: With me it´s the opposite.
I´m good at cold approaching, but don´t really know a lot about relationships. <snip>

Sounds good pal and I understand why you may want something more rewarding.

I assume your frame is very strong but may have an issue with connectedness (?)

I knew a fella in the PUA scene in London from years ago that had a similar problem, he was a handsome guy, muscular
but couldn't keep a girlfriend. Turned out he was very high on narcissistic traits, not that I suggest you are, just he had the same issue.


Update on my AA: Turns out I have gastroenteritis so that't put my cold approach on hold somewhat (no strength at at all just now, after days of pissing out of arse).
Kieran : I am going to make a video on anxiety in the near future.  Watch this space, I think you will find it very helpful.
Do you actually want to make progress with your goals : aesthetic, business, women, fitness?  Check out the Secret Society VIP Members Club.
Check it out
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#6
Cheers Steve, I look forward to it. Had a bad time of it lately, I think partly triggered by pressure I put on myself to approach.
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